Saturday, July 2nd, 2016

How to handle setbacks: three ways to self-sooth your way back to happiness

The art of success? Self-soothing!

“You cannot help being good, because your hand and your mind, being accustomed to gather flowers

would ill know how to pluck thorns.”

~ Leonardo da Vinci

self-soothing Linus-300x295-300x295One of the most common questions I get asked—and questions people who answered The Art of Success questionnaire, said they would ask Leonardo da Vinci too—is how do we keep going in the face of obstacles? What gives us persistence? One of the essential things is that believe your goal or dream is worth fighting for. Do you want it bad enough? Does it fill your soul with fire? Without passion in your heart you won’t have energy,making it hard to get started—let along to keep going.

But even with a fire in your belly, you need to fan the flames of desire with a healthy dose of optimism and lavish doses of self-soothing in the face of setbacks.

I’m just like you. I feel defeated sometimes. Worn out. Frustrated. And sometimes I wonder if it’s all just too hard.

To succeed you have to cultivate and nurture optimism

Yesterday my website crashed and the software I’ve been using to write my book, The Art of Success, due for release this month (July 2016), froze preventing me from doing any further writing or editing.

I had no idea how to fix these problems. But instead of becoming despondent—or rather, after allowing myself a natural period of despondency, frustration, and despair, I set about working out how I was going to fix the problems.

One of my clients had taken her first step into running her own business and experienced a similar issue recently, writing to me:

I have had issues with the website yesterday, what i thought was me doing something horrid and wrecking the whole site turned out to be a membership of hosting for some other (2nd to the one I paid for a few weeks ago) hosting site which expired 4 days ago and finally stopped working yesterday. So after a seriously awful few hours of feeling so stupid and alone I contacted the former owner for help. She found out the hosting issue and now we are waiting. And it all takes time. So this weeks challenge for me is to remain optimistic, and right now that is taking effort.

After waking in the night, and liaising with a support group on Facebook until 5am, at the time of writing my software problem is fixed. But my website was thwarted by the weekend, and will take longer to fix.

Rather than drown in negativity, here’s a few strategies which worked for my client and for me and may work for you next time you experience a setback:

1.) ask for help from your intuitive guidance
One of the best ways you can begin to generate solutions is to ask for help from your intuitive guidance. Your intuition responds to open-ended, generative questions—questions which can’t be answered with a yes or no.

How can I fix…
How can I solve…
How can I overcome…
Who can I ask for help…

2.)  affirm that everything will work out

My self imposed deadline of four July was only days away. I told myself,

“You can do this.”

“You will find a way. If not then another day.”

“What’s the worst that can happen if I have to extend my deadline? Is that so bad?

“Everything is working out for my highest good.”

3.) reframe

Reframing is a strategy that comes from counselling and psychotherapy techniques. By taking negative statements, referred to in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) as ‘distorted cognitions’, and reframing them in a positive light you feel stronger, more resourceful, hopeful, and empowered.

Instead of thinking, “This is a disaster. I’ll never finish this book in time” I self soothed by saying to myself, “This is an opportunity to read through my draft without being tempted or distracted by editing or adding new copy.”

Remind yourself of what really matters.  And express gratitude for the things that are going well.

Right now I’m blessed to be in a loving relationship and helping my partner in his business. I am supported emotionally, physically and spiritually.  And I am fortunate to be able to generate additional income. This takes the pressure off relying purely on my new career as an author.

Cultivate a success mindset

If you actively cultivate a success mindset you will not be able to help being good, because your mind, focused on the fruits of your positive intention and effort will act as a barrier, keeping away the thorns of self-doubt, procrastination, fear or any of the other things toxic to your success.

Attitude is everything.  thisHow can you cultivate a success mindset?

“Today we often use deadlines—real and imaginary—to imprison ourselves.”

~ Arianna Huffington,

Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder



3D_bookCassandra is a #1 Amazon best selling author of How to Find Your Passion and Purpose, and  the Mid-Life Career Rescue series which includes:

Her new book,The Art of Success will be available on Amazon in July 2016

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